I’m not going to go into a huge editorial here – I’m simply going to post some content and allow it to speak for itself. Below are some examples of descriptions of games available on the iOS App Store, Android Market, and Chrome Web Store. I have not changed anything or misquoted – these are all exactly how the descriptions, written by people from the companies/teams trying to sell the game, appear.
Now, on to the… “games”.
Penguin Slice (Chrome Web Store)
“Eliminate the Penguins! Pesky penguins are overrunning the world of the babies. They were asked nicely to leave, but refuse! Don’t fix the bird problem, slice it in this addicting physics puzzle game. Go from world to world as you slice and dice tower wood, ice, stone structures to save the cute babies & pop the evil penguins! Their snickering & snide remarks get under your skin, so slice quickly & accurately. If you like Angry Birds, you’ll love Penguin Slice!”
You were going to fix the bird problem, weren’t you.
Red Ball 3 HD (Chrome Web Store)
“Have fun !Enjoy them !Entertainment is here !Great games for your fun !Gamewoman chose many popular game for you play online free games ! You just run them !IT Tools ! (Windows, Linux, Unix, Oracle, Sun, Redhat, Network, Ip, Cluster, Firewall, Tcp Tools)Incredible action !Online perfect free games !Premium games !Action games !Adventure games ! Casino games… “
It goes on to list about 10 other “genre” names. My favorite part is “You just run them !!”
Sonic Kaboom (Chrome Web Store)
“Sonic is back to mario land with super rocket. He’ll have to elimate all the monster in the mario land before mario return.”
Counter Strike (Chrome Web Store)
“A critical and challenging mission to shoot down the armed men by launching an attack in their own territory… Your mission is to shoot down as many armed evil guys as you can before you die, with your trusty Desert Eagle, M4 and Sniper Rifle. Get a kill per shot to receive a monster kill bonus. Your final score will depend on your accuracy so aim carefully.”
I love how suddenly there are monsters involved. By the way, in case you were wondering, this isn’t Counter-Strike. It’s just some “punch the monkey” banner using Counter-Strike artwork.
Fishing Diary (Android Market)
“Catch most lively fishes in the sea, with a wide choice of fishing tackle. A dear diary is there to keep your daily fishin record.”
Some listed “features”:
“# Throw a bomb to catch all fishes in the area.”
“# Catch as many fishes as possible to power up your cannon into a laser firer.
“# Auto online/offline coin regenerate when you are lack of coins.”
Save the Bird (Android Market)
“One of the best Android action game, full of intellectual challenge.”
“The game is look like angry bird, but it has so much different, you don’t need to hit the bird, just feed them and save them. 12032222″ (note: that sequence of numbers is really there in the description)
1/5: ”The game sucks soooo bad you want to cry. I think it’s a total ripoff D:”
3/5: ”Only 10 levels”
1/5: ”Instant install”
5/5: ”Awsome befor i owned it”
Lovely Bird Game (Android Market)
“Lovely Bird is a casual game, Repeatedly click anywhere on the screen to play!
At this time,Lonely Bird does not support to gpad(eg,Galaxy Tab).
“gaga” is a playful little bird, he wants to fly higher, That may not be easy.One day, “gaga” broke herd and got lost because he paused to enjoy the beautiful landscape. “gaga” was afraid and he wanted to go home, but it is a hard journey, there are many enemies! vultures, falcons, crabs, and there are even missiles and dinosaurs! These made “gaga” very angry! Nothing will stop him flying!”
2/5: “Games gay :/” (review title is “Gay”)
5/5: “ONE LONG CONTINUOUS LEVEL GREAT FOR ALL AGES, WISH THERE WERE MORE DROID GAMES LIKE THIS ONE. JUST HAPPENED TO FIND IT BY BROWSING.”
I wanted to do more, but I’m feeling sick. Keep in mind that iOS has probably 5,000 times more spam than either of these two app stores. Feel free to post some more links in the comments.