Dragonbarn Presents: People Bomber

Dinofarm Games, our sister company, has been working on a game called “Jelly Bomber” for awhile now, and they’re even getting pretty close to finished. One of the great things about our little arrangement is that in addition to selling great products like coin-pushing games, cigarette coupons, and no refunds, we also are in the business of usury. Big-league usury.

After Dinofarm Games spent half a decade on that monster-bumping game, they fell on hard times, and suddenly our company, Dragonbarn Games (who they spent most of their time foul-mouthing) had to bail them out, which we were more than happy to do.

Anyway, part of the deal is that we get to take their games, spruce ’em up, and release ’em ourselves. So last week, we asked Nick to hand over the keys to the repo, and we hit the board room on generating some new ideas for “Jelly Bomber”. Our big concept? Come up with a new theme that people would actually like.

 

Introducing People Bomber

Alright so, if I may “cut the crap” for a second, can we just be honest and admit that it just feels kinda the best to kill people in games? Like, if you’re gonna drop a bomb on something, here’s the ranking of how good it feels to do it, from “most good” to “booooorring”:

  1. A person (could be a bad guy?) trying to escape
  2. A highly sentient zombie
  3. Animals that have a lot of volume, like whales and cows particularly

Like number 100000: fruits and vegetables (???)

Seriously, I don’t know if Dinofarm Games was going for some kind of educational game trying to make babies eat their peanut butter sandwich, or what it was, but don’t worry because that junk is formally TRASHED.

Instead, check out a screenshot from the latest version of PEOPLE BOMBER:

In People Bomber, you are Hank Peoplebomber, a former cop ex-marine who just got out of prison for murdering the man who murdered your wife, murdered your baby, murdered your son, murdered your other son, and on top of all that, also murdered everyone you loved. That man’s name is “Korvis, the Terrorist”. The bad news is that when Korvis tried to kill you, he crossed the wrong guy. (Bad news!!!)

Now you’re on a hunt through 1980s Manhattan on a journey that will take you from your job as a rich Wall Street exec, down to Hell itself in order to hunt down Korvis and exact your revenge. Then later there’s a post apocalyptic part also where you have to bomb to survive. Your only tool? Bombs!

Face tough challenges to which the answer is to drop even more bombs. Use special abilities to drop extra bombs. We also made the explosions way louder and bigger and instead of “jam” filling up the thing it fills up with blood, guts, skulls, eyeballs, hair/baleen, etc. It’s gonna be a fast-paced, loud and gruesome crawl through your own psyche, and there’s a part where you see your own dead dad, and he’s like “Hank, avenge me!! I’m your father!!” and it’s sad for a second but then it gets back to business.

Also you can buy a loot crate which MAY be filled with REAL lottery tickets. Great fun collectibles, like a picture of the Marlboro Man, a picture of Joe Camel, and many other things kids like. Keep an eye out for that.

This game should be out in a couple of days probably, we’re mostly working on some software that will install when you install the game that tracks your eyeball movements so we can hock your data to a really great guy I know online who buys that stuff.

One thing before I go: DO NOT READ THE REVIEWS before playing this game!!! It’ll ruin it! The reviews are so biased. We call them “fake reviews” because really what they are is fake, and I think we’re the first team to use this word.

See you next time!
– Kaiser Bundson

aprilfoolsdrmariojellybomberviolence

keithburgun • 04/01/2018


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